Illegal Immigrant Strikes Out

Now with UK and US tightening its security rules, Maharashtra may be the latest to join the bandwagon. In fact they may just jump ahead of the queue and invent a visa rule before implementing it. Some of the non-negotiable rules proposed are given below.

1. The prince of Mumbai, Raj, would stand sword in hand at the Mumbai central station. He would personally examine each application and decide the fate of the applicant. If their application is approved, applicants would kneel down before Raj, swear featly to his party, swear to vote for him and be knighted to join a select group of ‘immigrant maharashtrians”.
   

2. Shree Balasaheb would prefer a slightly less pompous but equally effective route. He would wait inside the AC terminal of the Mumbai airport to interview the immigrant business class seeking. He would accept a small token from immigrants and declare them to be model immigrant maharashtrians.

3. Each applicant should sign a declaration stating that they would abide by the cultural, linguistic, social, economic, and religious norms set by these two parties and failure to do so would lead to harsh punishment.

4. Five failure punishments would mean immigrants surrender their status as Maharashtrians and get chucked out of the coveted state.

While many pray this does not become a reality, the day may not be far before the congress party gives in to such outrageous demands. After all, they believe India is a legacy of the Nehru’s and do not hesitate before stamping every street, flyover, and highway with the Gandhi (read Nehru) name.

What wrong does Raj or Balasaheb commit when they believe that Mumbai is their birth place and hence they have first right on it? Over a hundred maharashtrians sacrificed their life to gain Mumbai its freedom. This is such a great achievement considering only a few million people died to get India the much coveted independence.

I think Balasaheb is perfectly right when he says that he has the pulse of Marathi people. His own pulse is fading very quickly and this fictitious pulse seems to be extending his life and giving him some hallucinations. He is criticizing Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan, Ambani and everyone under the sun trying desperately to win a last election before he takes the final plunge. He does not want to be remembered as a man who beat up South Indians to achieve fame or someone who only came to power for five years in Maharashtra during his entire reign.

Finally, Shiv Sena is spot on when it criticizes Australia for being racist. Racism is when the White beat up the Blacks. When the brown people beat each other it’s called Indianism. Indianism is when one person manipulates another for their personal benefit even if the cost is generating hatred in the hearts of thousands of brainwashed zombies. Congress exploited Indianism successfully in the 1984 riots and Shree Narendra Modi may be considered one of its finest exponents in the infamous Gujarat massacre.

With the congress giving the statement “Mumbai belongs to All” it has ultimately shown that the constitution is an impotent document which is to be worshiped and not followed. The irony is that it’s not even respected by leaders of the state whose immortal leader wrote it.

Let's now move on to the prince of Mumbai. Yuvraj Raj said he does not respect a constitution that is detrimental to Maharashtrains. Let’s understand this in the right perspective. What is good for Maharashtrains would be decided a man, who lives in a palatial house, drives around in an Audi, sends his children to the best public schools, is a builder by profession, and had been accused in a murder case. Who better to represent him in court that the great Ram Jeth Malani’s son? The Jethmalanis seem to have made it their business to ruin India by defending our worst.

I must say that the congress is brilliantly happy that Raj has come into the picture. He has split the Shiv Sena vote and taken the focus away for Mumbai’s horrible infrastructure and the congress party’s mistakes. The question now is not what can be done to make Mumbai a better place and how can the government take effective steps? What people debate across news channels and blogs is does Mumbai belong to Maharastrians or to all of India? It’s such a pity educated people are even thinking on those lines. Even Times Now’s pompous looking Arnob cannot seriously believe this is a matter for debate.

The diva of Indian literature Shobha De had her typical titillating view on this issue. She feels that Raj is justified to an extent and it’s a pity that we don’t hear Marathi spoken in Mumbai. Maybe someone needs to give this writer a lesson on culture. How do you best spread cultural and literary awareness in the masses? By beating up a few innocent students, burning taxis, and making hate speeches. I thought you promote culture by raising awareness, street plays, language classes, and creating a genial atmosphere where the language is loved and admired. May be I expect too much from her intellect considering her finest achievement is starting a magazine to boost up the already inflated ego’s of Bollywood crybabies.

Mumbai has many problems such as migrant population, slums, water scarcity, overpopulation, and escalating property prices. However, the biggest problem are people like Raj and Balasaheb who seek to divide people for their personal gain and distract the people from real issues. Congress party should thank them since they are the sole reason the congress is in power in Maharashtra.

This is your friendly neighborhood reporter signing off till the next edition. Bharat Mata Ki Jai.